


you'll always be my only guiding light

by melissa13



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Book References, Book Spoilers, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-17 07:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melissa13/pseuds/melissa13
Summary: When Anne finds out that Gilbert has given up the Avonlea School for her, she decides to confront him about it. Things don't quite go as planned. Two-shot.Some references to events in the book, but with an AWAE twist!





	1. even when there is no star in sight

**Author's Note:**

> This is another of my taking something that happens from the books and putting an Anne with the E spin on it. In the books, Gilbert gives up the Avonlea school for Anne, but they're not friends before that point, so I wanted to explore what I thought would happen in the same scenario now that they are friends.

The sun hadn’t shone in three weeks. Matthew had been gone, and the sun remained stubbornly hidden behind the perpetual cloud cover, draining the landscape of the usual vibrant hues of summer. It was fitting somehow, Anne thought, staring out the window at the dreary scenery. She should go outside, Marilla had urged her. Take a walk, she’d said, her red-rimmed eyes imploring her. She wondered if Marilla only wanted her out of the house so she could cry without Anne seeing her.

She couldn’t bring herself to go outside, though. If she did, it would be like all was back to normal again, and how could that be true without Matthew there? Day after day had passed since Matthew’s passing, but Anne remained stagnant. It seemed impossible that the Earth should still continue to turn when her whole world was in pieces. 

Her thoughts turned to Redmond, her great dream, now to be delayed until who knew when? There was no helping it, however; she couldn’t leave Marilla now, not when they both needed one another so much. So, it had been decided, with much argument on Marilla’s part, that Anne would stay and teach at the closest school she could, which was looking more and more like it would be the Carmody school. Carmody wasn’t the most convenient location—only the Avonlea school could be, and Gilbert had already been assigned there—but it was the best Anne could do under the circumstances. 

Out of the corner of her eye, Anne spotted a flurry of motion, and she turned to see Rachel Lynde hurrying up the path to the house. Mrs. Lynde had been the most frequent visitor to the Green Gables women the past few weeks, so her sudden appearance wasn’t particularly remarkable. What was, was the speed with which the lady shuffled her somewhat considerable girth up the walkway to the front door. Anne hastened to meet her there from her spot at the window. 

“Mrs. Lynde!” she said, opening the door. “Is anything the matter?”

Mrs. Lynde clutched a stitch in her side, and shook her head, breathing heavily, and Anne tried to imagine what could have prompted her to have run all the way there from her house. She guided her to a chair at the dining room table, and Rachel sank down gratefully just as Marilla entered the room to see what the commotion was. 

“Rachel?” she asked, bewildered. “What in Heaven’s name—?” 

Rachel struggled for a moment to catch her breath, and gulped down a cup of water Anne had retrieved for her. “It’s the best of news!” she finally gasped out, her eyes bright with excitement. “Anne, you’re been granted the Avonlea school!” 

Both Anne and Marilla started, looking at each other with confused amazement. 

Anne shook her head. “There must be some mistake, Mrs. Lynde,” she replied. “Surely you know the Avonlea school has already been given to Gilbert Blythe.” 

Rachel waved her hand impatiently. “That’s just the thing,” she said. “Gilbert heard you weren’t going to Redmond after all, Anne, and he’s officially  _ withdrawn _ his application. He suggested the board accept yours in his stead!”

Anne blinked. What Mrs. Lynde was saying was impossible, and yet, she herself was on the board of trustees; who would know better than her? But Gilbert, giving up the Avonlea school? Her wide eyes met Marilla’s, and the older woman had her hand over her heart as though to keep it from bursting out of her chest. 

Mrs. Lynde was obviously expecting more of a response. “Well, say something, child!” she chided. “For my part, I think it real kind and thoughtful of him. He obviously knew how much it meant to you to stay here with Marilla at such a time.”

Anne still couldn’t speak, and Marilla looked at her in concern. “Anne?”

She made up her mind in a split second. “Excuse me, please,” she said, before heading directly out the door, forgetting that her hair was hanging loosely about her shoulders and she hadn’t grabbed her hat. 

“Well, I never,” she heard Mrs. Lynde huff, but paid her no mind as she ran down the front walkway. 

Anne wasn’t paying attention to where she was going, but her feet knew the beaten path to the Blythe-LaCroix homestead well. It felt strange to be breathing the fresh air again after hiding herself away in Green Gables for so long. Her body welcomed it, but her mind was still reeling. Why would Gilbert do such a thing? She couldn’t fathom what would possess him. Yes, they were friends now, good friends, but he needed to teach as much as she did in order to save up for Redmond and then medical school thereafter. What was he thinking? 

She found him chopping wood out back. His shirtsleeves were rolled up, and there was sweat on his forehead from the afternoon heat. Gilbert was always handsome, but there was something about his appearance just then that put a flush on her cheeks that had nothing to do with the weather. She was also suddenly very aware of the fact that her hair was surely a disheveled mess after running all the way there, and tried to smooth it down with little success. 

Gilbert didn’t seem to care, though, and looked happy to see her. “Queen Anne,” he greeted, setting aside his axe. “To what do I owe this honor?”

Anne wasted no time. “Gilbert,  _ please  _ tell me you didn’t give up the Avonlea school.”

Gilbert half smiled and scratched the back of his head self consciously. “Well, I could tell you that, Anne, but then I’d be a liar.” 

She groaned and put her face in her hands. “Why would you do something so—so—so—”

“So, what?” Gilbert asked, sounding amused. 

Anne looked back up at him again. “So  _ idiotic _ ,” she settled on, putting her hands on her hips. 

At any other time, the dumbfounded expression on his face would have been comical. “Idiotic?” he echoed, frowning. “Anne, I gave up the school so you could stay with Marilla. I thought you would be happy!” 

Anne faltered for a moment. “Well, I’m not,” she said haltingly, before straightening her back and lifting her chin. “I demand that you go back to the trustees and tell them you’ve changed your mind.”

Gilbert frustratingly shook his head, looking smug. “It’s too late,” he told her, crossing his arms. “I’ve already signed papers with the board at White Sands.” 

Anne scoffed. “White Sands?” she said. “There’s no way you’ll be able to go back and forth between here and there everyday. You’ll have to board in town. You’re supposed to be  _ saving _ money, not  _ spending _ it!”

“Oh, but it makes more sense for  _ you _ to teach in Carmody and board there?” Gilbert retorted. He sighed. “Why do we always have to argue? The Avonlea school is yours, Anne. It’s done.”

“But I never  _ asked _ you to do that!” Anne protested, feeling like she had to stand her ground firmly for the fear that she might fall somewhere else; namely straight into his arms. 

“I know you didn’t ask me to do that!” he exclaimed, his own frustration boiling over. “But I’ve been feeling  _ useless _ since Matthew—“ Gilbert paused, looking at her with those soulful hazel eyes of his. “Since Matthew passed.” He put his hands in his pockets, looking down at the ground. “I can’t seem to help you any other way, Anne. Won’t you just let me do this small service for you? Please?” 

Anne’s throat was suddenly tight, and she blinked back the tears that welled in her eyes. She had to turn her back on him when they trickled down her cheek. Why was he so good to her when she’d done nothing to deserve it? It was too much! He was always so selfless and thoughtful, and what was she but an ungrateful, little brat? Anne sniffled and tried to subtly wipe away her tears.

“Oh jeez, and now I’ve made you cry,” Gilbert said, horror evident in his voice. She heard his footsteps on the grass behind her and felt the touch of his hand on her shoulder. “Anne, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so high-handed. I—.”

Gilbert was never able to finish his sentence because before either of them knew what was happening, Anne had swung around and pressed her lips to his.

The warmth on the back of her head notified her that the sun had finally come out, but it was insignificant compared to the warmth of Gilbert’s mouth against hers. Nothing ever felt as right as the moment their lips touched, and Anne basked in the sensation. 

For about five seconds. 

And then it occurred to her what she was doing, and that Gilbert was almost completely frozen in shock. 

Anne gasped, pulling away forcefully, stepping back from him with horrified eyes. What had she done? Nobody could ever accuse her of actually thinking her actions through, but this was above and beyond any misdemeanor she’d committed before. She’d given in to her deepest impulse without a thought, potentially ruining one of the truest friendships she had. Panic engulfed her and she stared at Gilbert without truly seeing him, her erratically beating heart the only sound she could hear. 

“Anne,” Gilbert said, but his voice was distorted, as though it was coming from a great distance. 

There was no way she could stay there and face his judgement for what she’d done. So she did what came naturally.

She ran.


	2. you'll always be my only guiding light

Anne was kissing him. Anne Shirley Cuthbert was kissing him, Gilbert John Blythe. And all he could do was stand there, frozen; so in shock was he that he was convinced he was dreaming. He’d had one or two—or twenty, or a hundred—dreams that had played out in a similar fashion. As he’d said before, Anne was a passionate individual, and he was never more attracted to her than when she had her dander up about something. In his dreams though, it was usually him doing the kissing. Most of the time, that was when he woke up, because even his subconscious couldn’t dream up anything as perfect as Anne kissing him for real. Like she was doing now.

Just as soon as he’d finally overcome his shock and was about to wrap his arms around her slender form and pull her closer, she abruptly tore away with a gasp. When Gilbert opened his eyes, he found her with a look akin to a skittish deer on her face. She was trembling, and he struggled to calm his own emotions and reassure her.

“Anne,” he said gently, but she didn’t seem to hear him, eyes were darting to and fro.

He stepped towards her, intending to take her hands in his, but in the next second, she turned and dashed away in the direction she’d come.

“Anne!” he called to her back, but he got no response, and watched helplessly as her red hair swished out of sight.

Gilbert stood there, frozen again, watching the spot she’d disappeared to, trying in vain to process what had happened. Should he go after her? Did she want him to? She had kissed him, so that meant she had to have some feelings for him, right? Or maybe it had been the impulse of the moment and she regretted it immediately, which would somewhat explain the running away part.

So absorbed in his thoughts was he, that he didn’t hear Bash come out of the house.

“What’s happened to you, man?” he asked, and Gilbert blinked, trying to focus on Bash’s concerned face. “You look like you been struck by lightning.”

Silence. Then, “Anne kissed me.”

Bash looked at him for a long second before breaking into a jubilant smile. “Well, well, well, way to go, Blythe! I knew it’d happen eventually!”

Gilbert’s expression didn’t change. “She kissed me, and then she ran away.”

Bash grimaced, poorly concealing a cheeky grin. “You that bad at it, then?” Gilbert glared at him and made to walk away, but Bash pulled him back. “Calm down, Blythe, you know I’m just pullin’ your leg. Now, tell me what happened.”

“I have no idea,” Gilbert told him, moving to sit on the chopping block. “One minute we were arguing about the Avonlea school and the next she was kissing me! Then she pulled away looking absolutely petrified and left!”

Bash laughed, hastily covering it up with a cough at Gilbert’s dark look. “You a bright fellow, Blythe, but you sure are blind when it comes to matters of the heart,” the older man said. “That girl’s as gone over you as you are over her, and I think she might’ve just realized it.”

Gilbert dropped his elbows on to his knees, carding his fingers through his hair in frustration. “If that’s true, why’d she run away from me?” he asked. “It doesn’t make any sense."

“If I’ve learned anything, Blythe, it’s that women don’t always make sense,” Bash shrugged.

“You’re really not helping, you know,” grumbled Gilbert.

Bash grinned again, clapping Gilbert on the shoulder. “Alright, alright, you want some real advice?” he asked. Gilbert nodded sullenly. “Don’t wait too long to go after her. Speaking as a fellow who’s been in _her_ position before, she’s bound to be overthinking everything, and that’s the last thing you want.”

Bash left him with those words of wisdom, heading back inside to Mary and their twin toddlers, Davy and Dora. Gilbert stood with a renewed sense of determination, looking again to where Anne had disappeared. Bash was right, he had to go after her, and he thought he knew just where she would be.

He trekked through the forest for awhile, not encountering a single soul; though in his state of mind, he doubted he would have noticed anyone who wasn’t a particular redhead. After a time, he finally broke through the trees and onto the plains before the shore. Anne had brought him here a few times to do homework, citing it as a place conducive to thought and creativity.

Gilbert scanned the bluffs above the cliffs quickly, and spotted her right away. She was motionless, staring out at the sea, and he was hesitant to intrude on her peace, but if there was even a small chance that she felt something for him, he had to take it.

Gilbert approached cautiously, hoping when she saw him, she wouldn’t run again, but she never looked back from the ocean. When he was only a few yards away, his breath caught in his throat. The way the sunlight illuminated her porcelain skin as the wind whipped around the long auburn strands of her hair made her appear almost ethereal, like a fairy creature from one of her stories. She was utterly bewitching. Gilbert had been under her spell for a long time, but the pull he felt towards her had never been as strong it was at that moment.

She _kissed_ you, he told himself, trying to calm his nerves. There was _something_ there between him and Anne; there always had been, and he had to believe that she felt it as well.

It was that thought that propelled him closer, until finally, Gilbert’s soft footsteps alerted Anne to his presence. Her shoulders were immediately rigid with tension, but she kept her eyes on the ocean. He came to stand next to her, keeping his eyes on the horizon as well. Silence reigned over them, and his anxiety slowly abated as the soothing sound of the waves and the scent of the sea water washed over him.

“You know, when I was on that steamboat with Bash,” Gilbert began softly, “I used to sneak up to the main deck everyday. I would get in heaps of trouble for it, but I would just stare across the water at the horizon for as long as I could. Do you know what I thought about?”

Anne didn’t answer, but he heard her breathing fluctuate slightly.

He continued haltingly, “Well, I guess I thought about a lot of things. My dad, the future, the past.” Gilbert took a deep breath. “But mostly I thought about _you_ , Anne. I wondered where you were, who you might be with, what sort of adventures you were getting up to. Whether you might be thinking of me, too.” He laughed self-deprecatingly. “I talked Bash’s ear off about you, and he teased me something rotten.”

He let the silence fall between them again, hoping his words would spark something in her, even if it was to just to tell him off.

“I _did_ think about you,” she finally whispered, making his heart swell twice it’s normal size. Gilbert turned to look at her, but her eyes stayed stubbornly straight ahead. “I _repeatedly_ told myself not to, but I couldn’t help it.” Her voice broke as she blurted out, “I’m so sorry, Gilbert. I never should have kissed you! I understand if you never wish to speak to me again!”

He couldn’t take it anymore, gently turning her towards him by the shoulders. “Anne, did you not listen to anything I just said?” He asked, half amused, half incredulous. “I only want you to apologize if that kiss meant _nothing_ to you. Because to me, it meant _everything._ “

The tears in her eyes startled him. She seemed torn between elation and alarm. “Please, Gil, I just don’t want anything to change!”

“It doesn’t have to change anything,” Gilbert protested. “Anne, we’re still young, and we’ve both got so much that we want to accomplish. I’m not proposing or anything, neither of us are ready for that.” _Yet_ , he amended to himself. He ducked his head slightly so that their eyes were level. “I just want to know if I have a chance. If there’s any way you feel the way I do. You should know though, there’s never been anyone else for me since the moment we met.”

“Even after the slate?” Anne asked weakly.

“ _Especially_ after the slate!” Gilbert laughed. He cupped her face in his hands, caressing her cheek with his thumb. “ _Carrots_.”

Anne smiled, but her gray-green eyes were hesitant. “Are you sure you want _me_ , Gil?” she asked. “There are other girls less homely and troublesome, I’m sure.”

Gilbert frowned. “Anne, I want you to forget whatever simple-minded person called you ‘homely,’” he said sternly before softening. “You’re anything but. And if you’ll let me, I’ll remind you every day how beautiful you are.”

Anne released a little giggle, some of her tension melting away, easing Gilbert’s own anxiety. “ _Every day_ might be a tad excessive,” she said brightly. “Imagine how much more vain I’d become! Marilla would have to scold me even more than she does already.”

“Every other day, then,” Gilbert promised. “Until you believe it as much as I do.”

Anne cheeks took on a rosy hue that made him grin. Unfortunately, they had a piece of business to settle between them before all could be well again.

Gilbert pulled away slightly, taking Anne’s hands up with his own. “Anne, about the Avonlea school—“

“Oh, Gil, I’m so ashamed of the way I acted,” Anne moaned. “I’m sure I don’t deserve your goodness. Instead of thanking you like I should have, I was an ungrateful wretch!”

Gilbert smiled at her dramatics. “Well, I will say that you sure know how to send a fellow mixed signals, Anne Shirley Cuthbert,” he said drolly. He winked at her. “If I might be so bold, I think I know a way you can make it up to me.”

To her credit, Anne’s innocent 16-year-old mind did not immediately understand his suggestion. “Of course, anything!” When he gave a pointed look at her mouth, her eyes grew wide with comprehension and she blushed again. “Oh!”

He gave her what he was sure was an enamored look, squeezing her hands. “May I?” he asked softly. “I wasn’t exactly able to participate last time.”

She nodded shyly but peered up at him with trust in her eyes. He took a steadying breath before moving closer, not quite believing his luck. Gilbert cupped her face in his hands, smiling before closing his eyes and pressing his lips to hers. Her lips were petal soft as they moved against his, and he sighed contently when he felt her hands come up to rest on his chest.

He was sure his heart was going to burst with happiness and relief, and he struggled to contain his fervor, not wanting to scare Anne, but in a moment, she had fisted her fingers into his shirt and was urging him a little closer. He gladly obliged, deepening their kiss until they both broke away breathlessly.

Anne’s eyes were dancing with glee, and she laughed gaily. He did the same, feeling lighter than he had in years. It was Anne, of course. She had a natural light to her that no one could ever extinguish and he was basking in it now, as he’d never been able to before. It was truly breathtaking, and something he’d never take for granted.

“Do you want me to walk you back to Green Gables?” He asked, thinking with considerable reluctance about having to part with her soon.

She seemed to feel similarly. “Oh, not just yet, Gil,” Anne pleaded. “It’s turned into such a glorious day, and I’ve been hiding away inside Green Gables for much too long. Can we stay a little while more?”

“As long as you’d like,” he replied, smoothing a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Gilbert pulled her into his embrace, feeling her smile into his neck as she encircled her arms around his back. No more words were spoken for a while as together, they looked out at the sun glistening off the waves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's Part Two! Please let me know what you think! I'm a little worried I moved everything too quickly, but I figure Anne is 16, Gil is almost 19, they're allowed to be a little mature and know their feelings. Also, I feel like the show is speeding up their relationship a little more than it is in the books, which is not unsurprising given they're not sure how many seasons they'll actually have. Anyway, thoughts please! And come over and say hi to me on tumblr, I'm annsurelyblythe :)


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